“A year ago, Biden pledged to address Covid, the economy, climate change and racial injustice. And good news — after 12 months of tireless effort, we’re all getting three free masks,” Jimmy Fallon said.
“The walls appear to be closing in on Trump — big, beautiful walls,” Kimmel said, as new details emerged from an investigation into the ex-president’s family business.
“We’re just going to test ourselves for antigens? Is that before or after we mess up the directions on an Easy Mac?” Noah said.
Advisers told the former president to push his Jan. 6 news conference to a date that would draw less attention to a low point of his presidency. “So, every day of his presidency?” Stephen Colbert joked.
With the return of remote learning, Colbert says to bring in the mothers-in-law.
Seth Meyers said that living in a world with the Republican congresswoman’s “insane” screaming was “like trying to have a conversation with a friend on the street next to a jackhammer.”
A late-night target throughout his time in office, the former president remained a favorite subject, along with Covid’s ongoing impact and President Biden’s first year in the White House.
The two-hour video call was a hot topic on late night Tuesday.
Late-night hosts weighed in on Donald Trump’s initial results just three days before his debate with Joe Biden.
Jimmy Kimmel said conservatives like Ted Cruz have some bizarre beliefs: “The elections are rigged, the deep state runs the world, and Big Bird is working for Merck now.”
Noah did an impression of Trump posting on his new social media site: “OK, I shared my truth, now I dare you to hang Mike Pence.”
Stephen Colbert proposed names like “Aunt Brenda’s Three-Paragraph Rant-a-torium” or “Best Fun Times America Website.”
“The Daily Show” host joked that jobs are “how Americans prove that they deserve health care.”
“I’m warning you, Steele. If this turns out to be a false report again, ‘urine’ trouble,’” Colbert said.
Colbert joked that the former White House press secretary had titled her Trump tell-all “I Just Recently Grew a Spine.”
“It was just baseball, no politics, until the Republican catcher went nuts about having to wear a mask,” Jimmy Fallon said on Thursday night.
The “Late Show” host broke into song to tell viewers about budget reconciliation and other works of “legislative wonder.”
A new book by a former White House press secretary said that the former president feared late night hosts would poke fun at him if he went under for the medical procedure.
Seven hosts dedicated their Wednesday shows to raising awareness about the urgent need to slow global warming.
Trevor Noah referred to the U.N. event as “the annual gathering that honestly could just be a Zoom.”
The rapper’s tweets about her cousin’s friend, who she said had swollen testicles after taking the Covid vaccine, set off a flood of commentary.
Seth Meyers, James Corden and Jimmy Fallon paid tribute to the stand-up comic and former “Saturday Night Live” cast member on Tuesday.
“Vaxxed and waxed. He wants his mailmen smooth,” Kimmel joked of President Biden’s new vaccine requirements for federal employees on Thursday.
“Meanwhile, these poor horses are like: ‘Hey, I have worms — I need that stuff. There are worms in my butt, do you understand?’” Kimmel said.
“In the trailer, Spider-Man visits Dr. Strange and asks him to turn back time. Then President Biden shows up and asks for the same thing,” Fallon joked on Tuesday.
“It’s about time,” Fallon said. “Their statement started with, ‘Hey, sorry, I just saw this.’”
For years, the late-night TV host has dared celebrities to eat choice foods, but an online petition is calling for it to end.
The former president denied reports that he tried to use his office to keep late-night shows from poking fun at him. “Not only that, he wanted Guillermo to pay for the wall,” Kimmel said on Tuesday.
Late-night hosts were unimpressed with the Georgia congresswoman’s apology for comparing pandemic restrictions to the Holocaust.
“Seems generous until you remember that Biden can’t get anyone else in America to take them, right?” Noah said of the president’s plan to donate 500 million Covid-19 vaccine doses to 100 countries.
“Come on, Europe, you can’t judge us. You had fascists; we had fascists. You have rulers that marry their cousins; we have Rudy, who married his cousin,” Colbert joked.
“Backstage passes automatically come with a hush money payment of $130,000. Isn’t that nice?” Jimmy Fallon joked.
“If he ever goes to trial, he’ll just regurgitate a frog that has ‘not guilty’ written on its back,” Meyers joked on Wednesday night.
Kimmel wouldn’t let Senator Cruz call the military “woke” and “emasculated,” so the Texas Republican reminded the comedian of his loss in their 2018 basketball game.
“Senator Paul has been a bit of a skeptic of how bad Covid really is, which is probably why he got Covid,” Colbert said on Monday.
“Yeah, if you are fully vaccinated, you can go back to doing the things you did before the pandemic,” Fallon said. “Well, not everything — if you’re Trump, you still can’t tweet.”
The founder of Amazon has a new superyacht that is so big, it requires a second yacht with a helipad. “I mean, who hasn’t needed a separate yacht just for his helicopter?” Colbert joked on Tuesday.
“Now that Joe’s president, I find it much easier to sleep, too,” Colbert joked on Thursday.
Federal agents “made sure to show up in daylight, when Rudy was still asleep in his coffin,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Wednesday.
“I’ve got to be honest: I’m going to miss wearing a mask.” Fallon joked on Tuesday. “The adult acne made me feel young, you know?”
“Earth Day started back in the ’70s with very lofty goals and has kind of turned into, ‘Guys, please, just for one day try not to light garbage on or near a panda bear, OK?’” Jimmy Kimmel said.
“It’s hard to celebrate, because a man is still dead, but there is a sense of relief that at least this one injustice was not compounded with indifference,” said a somber Stephen Colbert.
“Mike Lindell doesn’t seem to understand I’m his biggest fan,” Kimmel said of the MyPillow C.E.O. “I have no idea what he is doing, but I love it.”
Kimmel poked fun at Gaetz and his friend Joel Greenberg for making their Venmo transactions public: “One of those ‘salads’ cost more than $1,000 — I guess they added avocado.”
The “Late Night” host says the president is at his best “when he’s got the vibe of an old-timer football coach giving his young squad an inspirational halftime speech.”
“That is ominous,” Colbert said of Vladimir Putin’s wishing the president “good health” on Thursday. “But then again, when Putin says anything, it kind of sounds ominous.”
“Your murder speaks louder than your words,” Trevor Noah said of the man accused of killing eight people, most of them women of Asian descent.
“Despite vaccines becoming more available, there’s still one thing holding Americans back: Americans,” Colbert lamented on Tuesday.
“If somebody said ‘N95’ to you one year ago, you’d think they were a bingo caller,” Kimmel joked on America’s “coronaversary.”
“There you go, baby. You’re rich! Buy yourself something nice, like rent or medicine,” Colbert said on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”