The talk show host discusses our partisan divide and why it’s still worth hearing from those you disagree with.
“He is super smart, definitely, but he admits that he also loves dumb jokes, so we don’t know how this could turn out,” Trevor Noah said of the Tesla C.E.O.
Prosecutors recovered 18 devices during their current investigation into Trump’s former lawyer. “Eighteen devices? Man, that’s a lot of porn,” Stephen Colbert said.
“Our ex-president isn’t allowed a do-over just because he didn’t like the result the first time. That’s how you get an Eric,” Colbert joked.
“Come on, he’s a con man. And so is Dr. Oz,” Colbert joked of the former president.
“Anyone speak shiitake?” Kimmel joked of new research suggesting that fungi communicate.
“It’s generally frowned upon for U.S. presidents, current or former, to solicit our murderous mortal enemies for dirt on their political rivals,” Colbert said.
“The only time there should be a seven-hour gap is when you’re trying to remember what happened on St. Patrick’s Day,” Jimmy Fallon said.
“It was so shocking,” Jimmy Kimmel said. “The only thing I can really compare it to is when Mike Tyson bit Evander Holyfield’s ears.”
Kimmel happily reported that the children’s book Cruz singled out to make a point about race at the Senate hearings for President Biden’s Supreme Court nominee this week became a No. 1 best seller.
A poll found strong support for the judge’s Supreme Court nomination, but “speechmaking and hissy-fitting” continued in the Senate, said Jimmy Kimmel.
“It’s funny listening to the same people who let the president get away with trying to overthrow the government call anyone ‘soft on crime,’ but that’s how it goes,” Jimmy Kimmel said.
Kimmel said Jackson’s Supreme Court confirmation hearings could make the G.O.P.’s worst nightmare could come true: “Having this decided by two Black women whose names they can’t pronounce.”
A Kremlin spokesman pointed the finger back at the U.S. for World War II bombings, and Trevor Noah joked, “Keep up with the times, yo!”
“Various politicians have been trying to do this for years but they kept getting clock blocked,” Jimmy Kimmel said of the Sunshine Protection Act, which passed Tuesday in the Senate.
Noah joked that Brady’s leaving the N.F.L. was like Charlie Sheen’s leaving “Two and a Half Men”: “Yeah, there were still two and a half men but which men? Not men we cared about.”
“Many lawmakers wore the colors of the Ukrainian flag, blue and yellow,” Colbert said. “It’s a show of solidarity not seen since the last ‘Minions’ movie.”
If bringing back the Soviet Union is Putin’s goal, the “Daily Show” host joked, long lines are a good start.
Hosts did their best to bring levity to their shows on an otherwise somber day.
Meyers joked that Trump “narrates Putin’s every move like he is Tony Romo calling the last drive of a playoff game.”
Colbert said Putin sought to keep the peace, and imitated Russia’s president: “I keep this piece of Ukraine. I keep that piece of Ukraine. I keep all the pieces of Ukraine.”
Noah said Russia has been preparing to play chess while Americans “love dumb games now,” poking fun at a preference for Wordle.
“Only Donald Trump would defend himself against charges that he overvalued his assets by re-overvaluing his assets,” Kimmel said.
“It’s like getting divorced on Christmas Eve,” Jimmy Kimmel joked.
“Hey, don’t mind me, I’ll just be over here doing my thang — a long monologue,” Colbert joked.
Jimmy Kimmel joked that only Giuliani would attempt to overthrow the government “and then try to rehabilitate his image by singing ‘Shake Your Groove Thing’ dressed as a pineapple.”
The hosts didn’t think much of the N.F.L. team’s long-awaited new name. Jimmy Kimmel pointed out that it’s also the name of the president’s dog.
Trevor Noah joked that Biden will nominate a Black woman to replace Stephen Breyer “because he cares deeply about representation and winning Georgia.”
Noah said anti-vaxxers gathering to hear from Kennedy might have found him leaning too liberal for believing in the Holocaust.
“A year ago, Biden pledged to address Covid, the economy, climate change and racial injustice. And good news — after 12 months of tireless effort, we’re all getting three free masks,” Jimmy Fallon said.
“The walls appear to be closing in on Trump — big, beautiful walls,” Kimmel said, as new details emerged from an investigation into the ex-president’s family business.
“We’re just going to test ourselves for antigens? Is that before or after we mess up the directions on an Easy Mac?” Noah said.
“Thousands of people showed up, because there’s nothing to do in Florence, Arizona,” Kimmel said.
“Finally!” Colbert said. “Up until now, the most serious charge any of these guys has gotten is impersonating a Flintstone.”
“All this time we’ve been listening to the C.D.C., we should have been eating CBD,” Kimmel said of research showing that cannabis compounds can prevent Covid-19.
“I mean, all the other late-night hosts are doing it,” Colbert said.
“That clip was like watching one of those dumb cable news segments where a reporter willingly gets Tasered just to show everyone how bad it is,” Meyers joked of Cruz’s recent appearance on ‘Tucker Carlson.’
A late-night target throughout his time in office, the former president remained a favorite subject, along with Covid’s ongoing impact and President Biden’s first year in the White House.
Colbert noted that the House voted to hold Mark Meadows in criminal contempt, “and the rest of us can just keep holding him in regular contempt.”
The news that Fox News anchors sent texts on Jan. 6 urging President Trump to speak out against the insurrection while blaming antifa on air was the talk of late night on Tuesday.
Colbert couldn’t believe Congress is currently investigating a 38-page PowerPoint document detailing plans to overturn the 2020 election.
The Fox News host joined his network in insisting the company’s burned-down Christmas tree is proof of the war on Christmas.
The two-hour video call was a hot topic on late night Tuesday.
“If you want to get back at China, you have Marjorie Taylor Greene in the stands,” Noah said of the U.S. diplomatic boycott of the Olympics.
Noah said that new strains are like streaming new TV shows: “You gotta stick with it the first couple of weeks and see where it goes.”
Late-night hosts weighed in on Donald Trump’s initial results just three days before his debate with Joe Biden.
Moderna’s chief executive said scientists anticipate Omicron is “not going to be good.” Stephen Colbert called the sentiment “not comforting.”
The latest Covid variant, Omicron, follows Alpha, Lambda and Delta in the Greek alphabet.
“For those who don’t know, the strategic reserve is a series of caverns filled with fossil fuel and strategically located inside Rudy Giuliani’s head,” Colbert joked.
Jimmy Fallon joked that when the president blew out his candles, “everyone started clapping and the lights went on and off.”