The conference was billed as the largest and most influential gathering of conservatives in the world, Stephen Colbert said on Monday. “That’s if you don’t count their last gathering” at the Capitol.
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Tag Archives: Late Night with Seth Meyers (TV Program)
Seth Meyers Is Excited to See Trump’s Tax Returns
Meyers said it shouldn’t be hard for the Manhattan D.A. to find a crime in “the tax records of a guy who claims to be a billionaire, yet paid only $750 in federal income taxes when he was president.”
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Late Night Laughs Off Mike Pence’s Renewed Loyalty to Trump
“I don’t know where the line is between forgiving and being a doormat, but Mike Pence crossed it a long time ago,” Trevor Noah said.
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Late Night Blasts Ted Cruz’s Post-Cancún Photo Op
“On Saturday, he posted photos of himself handing out bottled water with the hashtag ‘Texas strong.’ Sure, dude, we totally believe you,” Seth Meyers joked on Monday.
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Jimmy Kimmel Knows How the Impeachment Sequel Will End
“It’s kind of like ‘The Empire Strikes Back,’” Kimmel said. “We already know how it ends, but we’re watching it anyway.”
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Jimmy Kimmel Tackles ‘Weirdest Super Bowl’ Ever
“This was the first Super Bowl ever where I had to yell, ‘Be quiet — I’m trying to hear the poem!’” Kimmel said.
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Trevor Noah: Marjorie Taylor Greene Deleted Her Browser History IRL
The congresswoman disavowed some of her outlandish statements. But Noah says she’s “so crazy that her saying that 9/11 happened makes me go, ‘Wait, did it?’”
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Trump’s Being Impeached Again, So It Must Be Groundhog Day
“His lawyers just copied and pasted his defense from the last impeachment: Control-F ‘Ukraine,’ replace with ‘riot,’” Jimmy Fallon said.
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Trump’s New Lawyers Represent Him Well, Says Late Night
“My God, who on Earth would hire Jeffrey Epstein’s defense lawyer?” Stephen Colbert said on Monday. “Oh, Jeffrey Epstein’s wingman? Yeah, that makes sense.”
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Stephen Colbert Is Thrilled to Have a President With a Plan
“Yesterday, President Biden announced a dramatic change to America’s Covid plan: There is one,” Colbert said on Wednesday.
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Late Night Just Can’t Quit Trump
If America can’t move on until the second impeachment trial is over, then neither can Stephen Colbert and his colleagues.
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Late Night Is Unswayed by Republicans’ Excuses
Trevor Noah says the end of Donald Trump’s term is no reason not to impeach him: “If you get fired at Best Buy, they don’t just let you steal a TV on the way out.”
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Late Night Weighs In on Biden’s First Day on the Job
It’s never easy, “especially when you’re the new manager and the last guy got called into H.R. for inappropriate workplace treasoning,” Stephen Colbert said.
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Samantha Bee Welcomes America’s ‘Brand-New Very Old President’
Bee and other hosts were relieved to see the Trump years finally end. “So that’s what it feels like when you’re not grinding your teeth,” Seth Meyers said.
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Late Night Celebrates the Final 36 Hours of Trump in Charge
“Normally, after a president’s term, they show before and after photos to prove how much the job aged him. This time, they’re showing before and after photos of all of us,” Jimmy Fallon joked on Monday.
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Late Night: Shocker. Trump Stiffs Giuliani and Won’t Take His Calls.
“Impeachment was great, but there really is no more perfect way for this to end than Trump stiffing Rudy,” Seth Meyers said.
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Late Night Reviews ‘Trump’s Impeachment: The Sequel’
“Makes sense — this president loves having seconds,” Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday.
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Late Night Is a Bit Concerned About Trump’s Last Nine Days
Jimmy Kimmel wants him out, but admits that “usually when the Senate tries to ram something through that quickly, it’s a conservative Supreme Court justice.”
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Late Night Is Unimpressed by Titanic-Fleeing Republicans
“Resigning with two weeks left feels less like some moral stand and more like leaving early to beat traffic,” Jimmy Fallon said of the departing officials.
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Late Night Wonders if Mike Pence Will Stand by His Man
Seth Meyers joked that the vice president had to “choose between the Constitution and a sleazy mafia don cold-calling election officials illegally, begging for votes like a telemarketer.”
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Late Night Returns in Time for Another Perfect Trump Call
Just as the hosts’ holiday break was ending, President Trump asked Georgia’s secretary of state to “find” some more votes for him.
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Watch Jimmy Kimmel Target Trump’s ‘Perfect’ Georgia Call
Just as the hosts’ holiday break was ending, President Trump asked Georgia’s secretary of state to “find” some more votes for him.
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Late Night Compares Trump Health Adviser, Paul Alexander, to a Comic Book Villain
The former Health and Human Services adviser’s leaked emails encouraged herd immunity to deal with the pandemic, writing of Americans, “We want them infected.”
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Late Night Is Ready to Take Jabs
“That’s right, people all across America are lining up for shots,” Jimmy Fallon said on Monday. “Normally, when that happens here in December, we call it SantaCon.”
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Late-Night Hosts Celebrate ‘V-Day’ in Britain
Stephen Colbert and others riffed on 90-year-old Margaret Keenan and 81-year-old William Shakespeare, the first recipients of Pfizer’s coronavirus vaccine in a mass inoculation program.
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Late Night Lampoons Giuliani, ‘America’s Sprayer’
“Sadly, this Covid test is the only positive thing to come out of Rudy Giuliani in four years,” Jimmy Kimmel joked on Monday.
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Late Night Won’t Let Trump’s Legal Team Forget Sidney Powell So Easily
Stephen Colbert said the disavowed lawyer and conspiracy theorist had been invited to a news conference last week by mistake, joking, “They meant to invite Sidney Powell Total Landscaping.”
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Giuliani Got a Bad Batch of ‘Just for Henchmen’ Hair Dye, Colbert Says
“Remind me, is it a good sign when your lawyer starts melting?” Stephen Colbert joked after Rudy Giuliani appeared to sweat hair dye during a news conference.
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Working for Trump Ends in Getting Fired or Getting Covid, Kimmel Says
President Trump fired Christopher Krebs, a senior cybersecurity official, via Twitter on Tuesday. “Usually to get rid of Krebs, Trump uses a little comb and some medicated shampoo,” Jimmy Kimmel joked.
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Jimmy Kimmel Calls Giuliani the ‘Gift That Keeps on Grifting’
“I guess this explains why Trump has been passing the MAGA hat around, asking his fans to donate to his legal defense fund,” Kimmel said of Rudy Giuliani’s alleged request to be paid $20,000 a day.
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Trump Counts Crowd’s Size Using ‘MAGA Math,’ Says Stephen Colbert
“Ten thousand, a million — it’s just how they count,” Colbert said of Saturday’s Million MAGA March. “You round up for marches, you round down for Covid deaths.”
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Jimmy Kimmel Has a Name for Trump’s Refusal to Concede: ‘Squattergate’
“Why don’t we just make him president of Alaska?” Kimmel said Thursday. “He’d love it. It even sounds like the names of his wives and daughters: Melania, Ivana, Ivanka — Alaska.”
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Trump’s Legacy Is Already Tarnished, Stephen Colbert Says
The “Late Show” host said President Trump’s refusal to concede the election was the least of his transgressions: “It’s like finding out Jeffrey Dahmer illegally parked in handicapped spots — bad, but the ledger’s pretty full. And so’s the freezer.”
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Jimmy Kimmel: Trump Is a Reality Show Host Who Can’t Accept Reality
“Republicans are handling the president with kid gloves because those are the only gloves that fit him,” Kimmel joked of President Trump’s refusal to concede to Joe Biden.
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Stephen Colbert Doesn’t Feel Like Laughing
In an emotional speech, the “Late Show” host accused President Trump of trying to “poison American democracy” by claiming the election was being stolen.
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America Is Going Full ‘Mad Max’ for Election Day, Late Night Says
“Right now, they’re erecting a massive protective fence around the White House in the event that things get crazy,” Jimmy Kimmel said. “It took four years, but Trump finally got his wall built.”
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Late Night Is Too Nervous to Believe in Biden-Leading Polls
“It feels like we’re all Charlie Brown going to kick the football, but we know at the last second Lucy’s gonna give us coronavirus,” Stephen Colbert joked on Thursday.
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Trevor Noah: Replacing RBG With ACB Is Like Trading LeBron for Ben Carson
“Technically, yes, they’re swapping one Black man for another, but good luck on making the playoffs next season,” Noah joked on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”
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Stephen Colbert: Mike Pence Is ‘America’s Spare Tire’
After the White House called the vice president an essential worker, Colbert said: “At best, he is vice essential. You want him in the trunk, but you hope to never have to use him.”
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Jimmy Kimmel Tackles Trump’s Secret Chinese Bank Account
“Of course Donald Trump has a Chinese bank account. He had to — he’s running out of things to be hypocritical about,” Kimmel joked on Wednesday night.
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Late Night Doesn’t Think It’s Possible to Mute Trump
“He’s just going to shout or, even worse, he’ll just walk over to Biden and use his mic,” Trevor Noah predicted of the upcoming debate. “He’ll probably lick it, too.”
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Stephen Colbert Anxiously Reads the Latest Polls
The “Late Show” host tossed some table salt and knocked on wood so as not to jinx Biden, who currently leads the president by 10 points in the polls.
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Jimmy Fallon Riffs on Mike Pence’s Fly and Pink Eye
“He’s the head of the coronavirus task force. Not really a great look when you’re covered in bugs and bleeding out of your eye,” Fallon said on Thursday.
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Trump Returns to ‘The Infest Wing’
“When she heard he was coming home, Melania immediately checked herself into Walter Reed,” Jimmy Fallon joked on Monday.
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Samantha Bee Decries Trump’s ‘Stand Back and Stand By’
“Do not tell Trump that he can say anything he wants about race,” Bee said — one reason being that “Mark Burnett will have to spend hours erasing the tapes.”
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Seth Meyers Takes a Break With ‘Strange Adventures’ and Monty Python
The “Late Night” host fills out his list of favorite things with Rhea Seehorn of “Better Call Saul” and the singer-songwriter John Prine.
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Late Night Weighs In on Trump’s Taxes
“For those keeping score, Trump paid $750 in taxes and $130,000 to a porn star, which means if the I.R.S. wants to get money from Trump, you guys know what you got to do,” Trevor Noah joked on Monday.
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Late Night Takes On the Peaceful Transition of Power
Hosts weighed in on President Trump’s refusal to say he would step down if he lost the election. “Well, so much for that Nobel Peace Prize,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Thursday.
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Trump Rallies Are High-Risk Activities, Seth Meyers Says
Attending a Trump event is as risky as “doorknob licking, hugging everyone on the subway and eating shrimp at the strip club buffet,” the “Late Night” host said.
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Trevor Noah: You Still Think Mitt Romney Is a Moderate?
“The Daily Show” host said that Mr. Romney’s decision on a new Supreme Court justice destroyed the illusion that he was “the dad you ask when your other Republican dads say no.”
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