“You see? This is what happens when you have been on Zoom calls for two years — you forget that real life doesn’t have a mute button,” Noah said of the president’s comments about a Fox News reporter.
“A year ago, Biden pledged to address Covid, the economy, climate change and racial injustice. And good news — after 12 months of tireless effort, we’re all getting three free masks,” Jimmy Fallon said.
“The walls appear to be closing in on Trump — big, beautiful walls,” Kimmel said, as new details emerged from an investigation into the ex-president’s family business.
“Thousands of people showed up, because there’s nothing to do in Florence, Arizona,” Kimmel said.
“Finally!” Colbert said. “Up until now, the most serious charge any of these guys has gotten is impersonating a Flintstone.”
“All this time we’ve been listening to the C.D.C., we should have been eating CBD,” Kimmel said of research showing that cannabis compounds can prevent Covid-19.
“I mean, all the other late-night hosts are doing it,” Colbert said.
“That clip was like watching one of those dumb cable news segments where a reporter willingly gets Tasered just to show everyone how bad it is,” Meyers joked of Cruz’s recent appearance on ‘Tucker Carlson.’
The NBC host said, “I feel fine,” and that his program would most likely return in a remote format next week.
Seth Meyers said that living in a world with the Republican congresswoman’s “insane” screaming was “like trying to have a conversation with a friend on the street next to a jackhammer.”
A late-night target throughout his time in office, the former president remained a favorite subject, along with Covid’s ongoing impact and President Biden’s first year in the White House.
As Fox hosts went after President Biden over rising prices, Meyers found their choice of words a little distracting.
Colbert noted that the House voted to hold Mark Meadows in criminal contempt, “and the rest of us can just keep holding him in regular contempt.”
The news that Fox News anchors sent texts on Jan. 6 urging President Trump to speak out against the insurrection while blaming antifa on air was the talk of late night on Tuesday.
Colbert couldn’t believe Congress is currently investigating a 38-page PowerPoint document detailing plans to overturn the 2020 election.
The Fox News host joined his network in insisting the company’s burned-down Christmas tree is proof of the war on Christmas.
“If you want to get back at China, you have Marjorie Taylor Greene in the stands,” Noah said of the U.S. diplomatic boycott of the Olympics.
“It’s also important to remember these people only hang out with each other because there is no one else who will hang out with them,” Meyers said.
“For those who don’t know, the strategic reserve is a series of caverns filled with fossil fuel and strategically located inside Rudy Giuliani’s head,” Colbert joked.
Jimmy Fallon joked that when the president blew out his candles, “everyone started clapping and the lights went on and off.”
“I think it’s nice that we’re friendly with our neighbors again,” Kimmel said of Biden’s meeting with leaders of Canada and Mexico.
“That’s nearly three and a half years, so with good behavior, he could be out in time to storm the Capitol in 2024,” Stephen Colbert joked on Wednesday.
Stephen Colbert and Seth Meyers reported some of the most interesting items from Jonathan Karl’s new book.
Meyers said Bannon was more like “a coked-up flunky who would get hired to help cousin Greg shred some documents and accidentally screw it up.”
“I haven’t seen such a brutal attack on an elected official since Jan. 6,” Colbert said on Wednesday night.
Jimmy Kimmel said conservatives like Ted Cruz have some bizarre beliefs: “The elections are rigged, the deep state runs the world, and Big Bird is working for Merck now.”
As Covid sidelined the Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, Kimmel and other hosts scorned him for implying that he’d been vaccinated.
“I mean, he cut his approval rating in half in three months,” Fallon joked on Tuesday.
“The pope telling you you’re a good Catholic is like a bear telling you you’re good at pooping in the woods,” Colbert said of President Biden, who visited the Vatican over the weekend.
Trevor Noah said the excision of family leave meant that “America will remain the only nation in the world where women try to give birth during their lunch break.”
“It’s a real ‘Ocean’s 11’ of people who can’t count to 10,” Stephen Colbert said.
This week, Donald Trump said Republicans should not be voting in the 2022 or 2024 elections. “Wow, he’s been out of office so long, he’s forgotten how threats work,” Seth Meyers said.
Meyers took Tucker Carlson to task for not “being certain” while reporting falsehoods.
“Imagine only making one thing and billions of people want it,” Jimmy Kimmel said. “This must be how the Baha Men felt after recording ‘Who Let the Dogs Out.’”
The host said that seeing the former president speak was like “watching an open-mic night at the senior center.”
“So far, I’ve only read the title page, and it seems to be about how the former president and his allies pressured D.O.J. to overturn the 2020 election,” Stephen Colbert said on Thursday.
“It’s the kind of week you normally post about on Facebook,” Meyers said on Wednesday night.
Colbert joked that the former White House press secretary had titled her Trump tell-all “I Just Recently Grew a Spine.”
“It was just baseball, no politics, until the Republican catcher went nuts about having to wear a mask,” Jimmy Fallon said on Thursday night.
The “Late Show” host broke into song to tell viewers about budget reconciliation and other works of “legislative wonder.”
A new book by a former White House press secretary said that the former president feared late night hosts would poke fun at him if he went under for the medical procedure.
The “Late Show” host celebrated the results of an Arizona audit that confirmed Trump’s 2020 loss.
“Fortunately, his lawyer has experience suing family members, since Rudy sued his cousin for divorce,” Meyers said.
Seven hosts dedicated their Wednesday shows to raising awareness about the urgent need to slow global warming.
Trevor Noah referred to the U.N. event as “the annual gathering that honestly could just be a Zoom.”
Meyers mimicked the Fox News host on Monday night, saying Carlson could have a career in improv.
The YouTube personality called Kimmel out for referring to him as one of the worst people in the world — alongside Donald Trump.
The rapper’s tweets about her cousin’s friend, who she said had swollen testicles after taking the Covid vaccine, set off a flood of commentary.
Seven of TV’s most popular late-night programs and hosts, including Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon and Samantha Bee, plan to address the subject on the night of Sept. 22.
Seth Meyers, James Corden and Jimmy Fallon paid tribute to the stand-up comic and former “Saturday Night Live” cast member on Tuesday.