“I had a feeling those two weren’t going to make it to the hometown date,” Jimmy Kimmel joked after the leaders cut their meeting short.
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Tag Archives: Meyers, Seth
Seth Meyers Sums Up Biden’s Time at G7
“Biden’s message at these meetings has been simple: America is back. You know, like the McRib, America’s back for a limited time only, offer not valid in Florida,” Meyers joked.
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Jimmy Fallon Throws Jabs at Trump’s New Tour With Bill O’Reilly
“Backstage passes automatically come with a hush money payment of $130,000. Isn’t that nice?” Jimmy Fallon joked.
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Seth Meyers Calls Trump the ‘David Blaine of Crime’
“If he ever goes to trial, he’ll just regurgitate a frog that has ‘not guilty’ written on its back,” Meyers joked on Wednesday night.
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Jimmy Kimmel and Ted Cruz Rekindle an Old Feud
Kimmel wouldn’t let Senator Cruz call the military “woke” and “emasculated,” so the Texas Republican reminded the comedian of his loss in their 2018 basketball game.
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Stephen Colbert: Rand Paul ‘Randsplained’ His Vaccine Refusal
“Senator Paul has been a bit of a skeptic of how bad Covid really is, which is probably why he got Covid,” Colbert said on Monday.
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Jimmy Kimmel Believes Trump Would Flip on His Own Children
Kimmel agreed with Michael Cohen, the former president’s longtime personal lawyer, who said in an interview that Trump would turn on anyone to save himself.
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Jimmy Kimmel Rakes Republicans for Downplaying the Capitol Attack
“You know, when a violent mob attacked our embassy in Benghazi, Republicans in Congress investigated it eight times,” Kimmel said. “A violent mob attacked the U.S. Capitol, they’re like: ‘Tourists! What are you gonna do?’”
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Trevor Noah Can’t Believe Biden Has a Venmo Account
“Joe Biden has a Venmo account? How? The dude is, like, 150 years old,” Noah joked, saying he assumed Biden “paid for everything with silver dollars.”
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Jimmy Kimmel Finds Irony in the G.O.P. Vote to Cancel Liz Cheney
“I’m confused — I thought these guys hated cancel culture,” Kimmel said after the Republicans ousted Cheney from her leadership position in the House on Wednesday.
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Late Night Can’t Help but Laugh at Trump’s Calling Horse a ‘Junkie’
Jimmy Kimmel called the former president “our own Triple Clown winner” in his monologue about a drug scandal involving the Kentucky Derby winner, Medina Spirit.
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Seth Meyers Doesn’t Want to Have to Support Liz Cheney
Meyers made a “M*A*S*H” reference about the Republican who denounces Donald Trump: “I feel like B.J. Hunnicutt speaking up in support of Charles Winchester.”
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Late Night Rallies Behind Facebook’s Extended Trump Ban
“It has been five months since Trump was indefinitely suspended from Facebook for the minor infraction of trying to overthrow the government. I mean, who hasn’t done that?” Trevor Noah said.
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Late Night Has a New Contender for Weirdest Presidential Photo Ever
The Bidens visited the Carters the other day, and Jimmy Fallon, Seth Meyers and Trevor Noah are still trying to get their minds around the result.
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The F.B.I.’s Giuliani Raids Warm Late Night’s Heart
Federal agents “made sure to show up in daylight, when Rudy was still asleep in his coffin,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Wednesday.
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Late Night Celebrates Earth Day
“Earth Day started back in the ’70s with very lofty goals and has kind of turned into, ‘Guys, please, just for one day try not to light garbage on or near a panda bear, OK?’” Jimmy Kimmel said.
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Seth Meyers: Chauvin Verdict Confirms ‘What We Saw With Our Own Eyes’
“As we’ve explained on this show many times before, the culture and system of policing in this country must be dismantled and reformed,” Meyers said on Wednesday.
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Jimmy Kimmel Heckles ‘Future Former Florida Congressman’ Matt Gaetz
Kimmel poked fun at Gaetz and his friend Joel Greenberg for making their Venmo transactions public: “One of those ‘salads’ cost more than $1,000 — I guess they added avocado.”
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Stephen Colbert Applauds Biden’s ‘Endgame’ for Afghanistan’s ‘Infinity War’
Colbert pointed out that the conflict “has been going on so long, the first ‘Iron Man’ movie opens with Tony Stark in Afghanistan.”
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Late Night Gets Serious About Police Brutality
Trevor Noah and Stephen Colbert criticized officers’ use of force against Black men, citing two cases in which traffic stops turned violent.
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Seth Meyers Recaps Biden’s First Press Conference
The “Late Night” host says the president is at his best “when he’s got the vibe of an old-timer football coach giving his young squad an inspirational halftime speech.”
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Stephen Colbert Suggests Guns Be Regulated Like Cars and Alcohol
Colbert said guns should require a license, registration, and insurance: “If you move to a new state, you got to do the whole damn thing all over again. And you can’t go out loaded.”
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Stephen Colbert Breaks It Down for Spring Breakers
“Hot tip for Miami authorities: If you want young people to stop partying, don’t instate a curfew, just invite a few dads,” Colbert joked.
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Stephen Colbert Mocks Republicans’ Suspicious Minds on Vaccines
“Despite vaccines becoming more available, there’s still one thing holding Americans back: Americans,” Colbert lamented on Tuesday.
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Trevor Noah: Andrew Cuomo Is ‘the Only Person Who Wishes It Was Still 2020’
“At some point we’re going to find out the Statue of Liberty only holds that torch so she can fend him off,” Noah said Monday of sexual misconduct allegations against the New York governor.
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Jimmy Kimmel Reminisces About One Year of ‘Living Contagiously’
“If somebody said ‘N95’ to you one year ago, you’d think they were a bingo caller,” Kimmel joked on America’s “coronaversary.”
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Royals’ Interview Response Rings Hollow to Late-Night Hosts
Stephen Colbert was puzzled by the British monarchy’s concern about being seen as out of touch: “Because if there’s one thing the palace surrounded by iron spikes looked like before, it was ‘in touch.’”
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Late Night Recaps Oprah’s Royal Interview
“You know things are bad at Buckingham Palace if they came to America to get away from racism,” Jimmy Kimmel joked on Monday night.
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Jimmy Fallon: Ron Johnson Could Replace Ted Cruz as Most Hated Senator
The “Tonight Show” host joked that the Wisconsin Republican could be more detested for at least the 10 hours that Senate clerks read the 628-page stimulus bill aloud, as Johnson demanded.
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Stephen Colbert: QAnon Supporters Suffer From ‘March Madness’
Colbert poked fun at the group’s latest conspiracy theory that March 4 would be Donald Trump’s true Inauguration Day.
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Late Night Recaps CPAC and the Golden Globes
The conference was billed as the largest and most influential gathering of conservatives in the world, Stephen Colbert said on Monday. “That’s if you don’t count their last gathering” at the Capitol.
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Seth Meyers Is Excited to See Trump’s Tax Returns
Meyers said it shouldn’t be hard for the Manhattan D.A. to find a crime in “the tax records of a guy who claims to be a billionaire, yet paid only $750 in federal income taxes when he was president.”
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Late Night Laughs Off Mike Pence’s Renewed Loyalty to Trump
“I don’t know where the line is between forgiving and being a doormat, but Mike Pence crossed it a long time ago,” Trevor Noah said.
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Late Night Blasts Ted Cruz’s Post-Cancún Photo Op
“On Saturday, he posted photos of himself handing out bottled water with the hashtag ‘Texas strong.’ Sure, dude, we totally believe you,” Seth Meyers joked on Monday.
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Jimmy Kimmel Knows How the Impeachment Sequel Will End
“It’s kind of like ‘The Empire Strikes Back,’” Kimmel said. “We already know how it ends, but we’re watching it anyway.”
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Stephen Colbert Gets Serious About New Insurrection Evidence
“Because only by facing this truth will we have any hope of stopping it from happening again,” Colbert said. “Also, I’m pretty convinced it wasn’t antifa now.”
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Jimmy Kimmel Tackles ‘Weirdest Super Bowl’ Ever
“This was the first Super Bowl ever where I had to yell, ‘Be quiet — I’m trying to hear the poem!’” Kimmel said.
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Trevor Noah: Marjorie Taylor Greene Deleted Her Browser History IRL
The congresswoman disavowed some of her outlandish statements. But Noah says she’s “so crazy that her saying that 9/11 happened makes me go, ‘Wait, did it?’”
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Trump’s Being Impeached Again, So It Must Be Groundhog Day
“His lawyers just copied and pasted his defense from the last impeachment: Control-F ‘Ukraine,’ replace with ‘riot,’” Jimmy Fallon said.
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Trump’s New Lawyers Represent Him Well, Says Late Night
“My God, who on Earth would hire Jeffrey Epstein’s defense lawyer?” Stephen Colbert said on Monday. “Oh, Jeffrey Epstein’s wingman? Yeah, that makes sense.”
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Stephen Colbert Is Thrilled to Have a President With a Plan
“Yesterday, President Biden announced a dramatic change to America’s Covid plan: There is one,” Colbert said on Wednesday.
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Late Night Is Unswayed by Republicans’ Excuses
Trevor Noah says the end of Donald Trump’s term is no reason not to impeach him: “If you get fired at Best Buy, they don’t just let you steal a TV on the way out.”
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Late Night Weighs In on Biden’s First Day on the Job
It’s never easy, “especially when you’re the new manager and the last guy got called into H.R. for inappropriate workplace treasoning,” Stephen Colbert said.
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Samantha Bee Welcomes America’s ‘Brand-New Very Old President’
Bee and other hosts were relieved to see the Trump years finally end. “So that’s what it feels like when you’re not grinding your teeth,” Seth Meyers said.
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Late Night Reflects on the Legacy of ‘He Who Shall Remain Shameless’
Inauguration Eve is “the day before the day we’ve all been waiting for,” Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday night.
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Late Night Celebrates the Final 36 Hours of Trump in Charge
“Normally, after a president’s term, they show before and after photos to prove how much the job aged him. This time, they’re showing before and after photos of all of us,” Jimmy Fallon joked on Monday.
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Late Night: Shocker. Trump Stiffs Giuliani and Won’t Take His Calls.
“Impeachment was great, but there really is no more perfect way for this to end than Trump stiffing Rudy,” Seth Meyers said.
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Late Night Reviews ‘Trump’s Impeachment: The Sequel’
“Makes sense — this president loves having seconds,” Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday.
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Late Night Is a Bit Concerned About Trump’s Last Nine Days
Jimmy Kimmel wants him out, but admits that “usually when the Senate tries to ram something through that quickly, it’s a conservative Supreme Court justice.”
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Stephen Colbert Goes ‘Unexpectedly Live’
“It’s a horrifying day that will go down in U.S. history, however much longer that is,” Colbert said after President Trump incited a mob of his supporters to storm the Capitol.
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