The “Tonight Show” host joked that the Wisconsin Republican could be more detested for at least the 10 hours that Senate clerks read the 628-page stimulus bill aloud, as Johnson demanded.
Colbert poked fun at the group’s latest conspiracy theory that March 4 would be Donald Trump’s true Inauguration Day.
“In the span of one month, Andrew Cuomo has somehow done the impossible: He made Bill de Blasio the second-most-hated politician in New York,” Kimmel said.
The conference was billed as the largest and most influential gathering of conservatives in the world, Stephen Colbert said on Monday. “That’s if you don’t count their last gathering” at the Capitol.
“I don’t know where the line is between forgiving and being a doormat, but Mike Pence crossed it a long time ago,” Trevor Noah said.
“On Saturday, he posted photos of himself handing out bottled water with the hashtag ‘Texas strong.’ Sure, dude, we totally believe you,” Seth Meyers joked on Monday.
“Snake on a plane, right there!” Kimmel joked. “Headed, ironically, to the very place he tried to build the wall around.”
“I know people were praying for Texas to go blue, but not like this,” Trevor Noah joked on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.”
“They don’t have snow shovels out there. Their best bet is to grab their AR-15s and shoot each snowflake before it lands: ‘Go back to Canada where you belong!’” Noah joked on Tuesday.
“It’s kind of like ‘The Empire Strikes Back,’” Kimmel said. “We already know how it ends, but we’re watching it anyway.”
“Because only by facing this truth will we have any hope of stopping it from happening again,” Colbert said. “Also, I’m pretty convinced it wasn’t antifa now.”
Donald Trump’s second impeachment trial kicked off on Tuesday with late-night hosts predicting it will end just like the first.
“This was the first Super Bowl ever where I had to yell, ‘Be quiet — I’m trying to hear the poem!’” Kimmel said.
The congresswoman disavowed some of her outlandish statements. But Noah says she’s “so crazy that her saying that 9/11 happened makes me go, ‘Wait, did it?’”
“His lawyers just copied and pasted his defense from the last impeachment: Control-F ‘Ukraine,’ replace with ‘riot,’” Jimmy Fallon said.
“My God, who on Earth would hire Jeffrey Epstein’s defense lawyer?” Stephen Colbert said on Monday. “Oh, Jeffrey Epstein’s wingman? Yeah, that makes sense.”
“If you don’t know who this person is, I wish I didn’t, too,” Kimmel said of the QAnon enthusiast who’s been named to the House Education and Labor Committee.
“Yesterday, President Biden announced a dramatic change to America’s Covid plan: There is one,” Colbert said on Wednesday.
Trevor Noah says the end of Donald Trump’s term is no reason not to impeach him: “If you get fired at Best Buy, they don’t just let you steal a TV on the way out.”
It’s never easy, “especially when you’re the new manager and the last guy got called into H.R. for inappropriate workplace treasoning,” Stephen Colbert said.
Bee and other hosts were relieved to see the Trump years finally end. “So that’s what it feels like when you’re not grinding your teeth,” Seth Meyers said.
Inauguration Eve is “the day before the day we’ve all been waiting for,” Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday night.
Residents of Palm Beach, Fla., objected to President Trump’s post-White House plan to live at his Mar-a-Lago resort. “In other words, God exists and has a very good sense of humor about all of this,” Kimmel said.
Mitch McConnell’s congratulating Joe Biden on his victory in the election was big news among late-night hosts like Stephen Colbert.
“That’s right, people all across America are lining up for shots,” Jimmy Fallon said on Monday. “Normally, when that happens here in December, we call it SantaCon.”
“Even the dreidel was looking at Trump like, ‘Damn, this guy spins more than I do,’” Fallon joked on Wednesday.
“Not only did they shut this case down, but they shut it down in just 34 minutes,” Noah said of the Supreme Court. “They didn’t even pretend that they were going to consider it.”
Stephen Colbert and others riffed on 90-year-old Margaret Keenan and 81-year-old William Shakespeare, the first recipients of Pfizer’s coronavirus vaccine in a mass inoculation program.
“Sadly, this Covid test is the only positive thing to come out of Rudy Giuliani in four years,” Jimmy Kimmel joked on Monday.
Barack Obama, George W. Bush and Bill Clinton offered to take a coronavirus vaccine on camera. Jimmy Kimmel isn’t worried about losing viewers to that program.
Colbert made a game out of the speculation about presidential pardons: “You have to match the person to their crime, and there are no wrong answers.”
Barr said the Justice Department had not found voter fraud on a scale that could change election results. “Fraud on a scale — also known as the president’s annual physical,” Colbert joked Tuesday.
“Someone check who that dog voted for,” Trevor Noah said after the president-elect fractured his foot while playing with his German shepherd.
“Remind me, is it a good sign when your lawyer starts melting?” Stephen Colbert joked after Rudy Giuliani appeared to sweat hair dye during a news conference.
The podcast boom has produced plenty of star vehicles in audio form, and these celebrity-hosted shows are a cut above the rest.
“Ten thousand, a million — it’s just how they count,” Colbert said of Saturday’s Million MAGA March. “You round up for marches, you round down for Covid deaths.”
“Why don’t we just make him president of Alaska?” Kimmel said Thursday. “He’d love it. It even sounds like the names of his wives and daughters: Melania, Ivana, Ivanka — Alaska.”
The “Late Show” host said President Trump’s refusal to concede the election was the least of his transgressions: “It’s like finding out Jeffrey Dahmer illegally parked in handicapped spots — bad, but the ledger’s pretty full. And so’s the freezer.”
“Republicans are handling the president with kid gloves because those are the only gloves that fit him,” Kimmel joked of President Trump’s refusal to concede to Joe Biden.
“You know you were a bad president when people were celebrating an old white centrist like he was the sunset at Burning Man,” the “Late Night” host joked of President Trump’s loss.
In an emotional speech, the “Late Show” host accused President Trump of trying to “poison American democracy” by claiming the election was being stolen.
“I thought if your election lasted more than 48 hours you were supposed to seek medical attention,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Wednesday.
The late night hosts weighed in on race results with special guests on their one-hour election specials.
“Right now, they’re erecting a massive protective fence around the White House in the event that things get crazy,” Jimmy Kimmel said. “It took four years, but Trump finally got his wall built.”
“It feels like we’re all Charlie Brown going to kick the football, but we know at the last second Lucy’s gonna give us coronavirus,” Stephen Colbert joked on Thursday.
The “Tonight Show” host joined his late-night colleagues in chastising President Trump for stranding supporters in near-freezing temperatures after a Tuesday rally in Omaha.
“Technically, yes, they’re swapping one Black man for another, but good luck on making the playoffs next season,” Noah joked on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”
After the White House called the vice president an essential worker, Colbert said: “At best, he is vice essential. You want him in the trunk, but you hope to never have to use him.”
“Counting the 2016 Republican primary, we’ve watched him do that 16 times,” Colbert said. “It’s excruciating. It’s like dental surgery and tonight was like getting our last wisdom tooth taken out.”
“Of course Donald Trump has a Chinese bank account. He had to — he’s running out of things to be hypocritical about,” Kimmel joked on Wednesday night.