June 19 is “also known as Macklemore’s birthday, but haven’t Black Americans suffered enough?” Colbert joked on Thursday night.
Jane and the host of ‘The Daily Show’ sit down to discuss the death of nuance, cancel culture and talking to people you disagree with.
“I had a feeling those two weren’t going to make it to the hometown date,” Jimmy Kimmel joked after the leaders cut their meeting short.
Late-night hosts were unimpressed with the Georgia congresswoman’s apology for comparing pandemic restrictions to the Holocaust.
“Biden’s message at these meetings has been simple: America is back. You know, like the McRib, America’s back for a limited time only, offer not valid in Florida,” Meyers joked.
“Seems generous until you remember that Biden can’t get anyone else in America to take them, right?” Noah said of the president’s plan to donate 500 million Covid-19 vaccine doses to 100 countries.
“Come on, Europe, you can’t judge us. You had fascists; we had fascists. You have rulers that marry their cousins; we have Rudy, who married his cousin,” Colbert joked.
“You know, usually if you got this close to Trump’s crotch, he’d pay you $130,000,” Jimmy Kimmel joked of rumors that the former president had worn his pants backward.
Rudy Giuliani’s son, Andrew, announced his candidacy for governor of New York on Tuesday. The “Daily Show” host is surprised that he wants the job.
“Joe Biden has a Venmo account? How? The dude is, like, 150 years old,” Noah joked, saying he assumed Biden “paid for everything with silver dollars.”
“Yeah, if you are fully vaccinated, you can go back to doing the things you did before the pandemic,” Fallon said. “Well, not everything — if you’re Trump, you still can’t tweet.”
“I’m confused — I thought these guys hated cancel culture,” Kimmel said after the Republicans ousted Cheney from her leadership position in the House on Wednesday.
The founder of Amazon has a new superyacht that is so big, it requires a second yacht with a helipad. “I mean, who hasn’t needed a separate yacht just for his helicopter?” Colbert joked on Tuesday.
Jimmy Kimmel called the former president “our own Triple Clown winner” in his monologue about a drug scandal involving the Kentucky Derby winner, Medina Spirit.
Meyers made a “M*A*S*H” reference about the Republican who denounces Donald Trump: “I feel like B.J. Hunnicutt speaking up in support of Charles Winchester.”
“It has been five months since Trump was indefinitely suspended from Facebook for the minor infraction of trying to overthrow the government. I mean, who hasn’t done that?” Trevor Noah said.
Trevor Noah, Kara Swisher, Jane Coaston and Ezra Klein debate the merits and dangers of cancel culture, and share a sneak peek at upcoming episodes from Opinion Audio.
The Bidens visited the Carters the other day, and Jimmy Fallon, Seth Meyers and Trevor Noah are still trying to get their minds around the result.
O’Brien said the last episodes of “Conan” will feature special guests and clips of his favorite moments on the show before he moves to HBO Max.
“Now that Joe’s president, I find it much easier to sleep, too,” Colbert joked on Thursday.
“I’ve got to be honest: I’m going to miss wearing a mask.” Fallon joked on Tuesday. “The adult acne made me feel young, you know?”
“The ratings for the Oscars plummeted from 23 million last year to less than 10 million this year. How can something so woke put so many people to sleep?” Jimmy Kimmel joked on Monday.
Kimmel poked fun at Gaetz and his friend Joel Greenberg for making their Venmo transactions public: “One of those ‘salads’ cost more than $1,000 — I guess they added avocado.”
Colbert pointed out that the conflict “has been going on so long, the first ‘Iron Man’ movie opens with Tony Stark in Afghanistan.”
“That’s right, they’re recommending a pause. Then anyone who’s ever been dumped was like: ‘Oh, boy. We know what “pause” means,’” Fallon said.
Trevor Noah and Stephen Colbert criticized officers’ use of force against Black men, citing two cases in which traffic stops turned violent.
Trump aides denied him a blanket pardon for fear it would set a bad precedent, Kimmel said: “At the time, they were only interested in setting terrible precedents.”
Late-night hosts welcomed the news that vaccines would be available to all American adults two weeks ahead of schedule.
Stephen Colbert suggested Donald Trump’s followers get comfortable with going generic: “I hope you like Great Value Bat and Ball Product and Kirkland Signature Airlines.”
“If you look closely, the ship has a tiny bumper sticker that says ‘student driver,’” Fallon said of the vessel that’s causing a world-class traffic jam.
Colbert said guns should require a license, registration, and insurance: “If you move to a new state, you got to do the whole damn thing all over again. And you can’t go out loaded.”
“Hot tip for Miami authorities: If you want young people to stop partying, don’t instate a curfew, just invite a few dads,” Colbert joked.
“That is ominous,” Colbert said of Vladimir Putin’s wishing the president “good health” on Thursday. “But then again, when Putin says anything, it kind of sounds ominous.”
“Your murder speaks louder than your words,” Trevor Noah said of the man accused of killing eight people, most of them women of Asian descent.
“At some point we’re going to find out the Statue of Liberty only holds that torch so she can fend him off,” Noah said Monday of sexual misconduct allegations against the New York governor.
The “Tonight Show” host joked that the Wisconsin Republican could be more detested for at least the 10 hours that Senate clerks read the 628-page stimulus bill aloud, as Johnson demanded.
Colbert poked fun at the group’s latest conspiracy theory that March 4 would be Donald Trump’s true Inauguration Day.
“In the span of one month, Andrew Cuomo has somehow done the impossible: He made Bill de Blasio the second-most-hated politician in New York,” Kimmel said.
The conference was billed as the largest and most influential gathering of conservatives in the world, Stephen Colbert said on Monday. “That’s if you don’t count their last gathering” at the Capitol.
“I don’t know where the line is between forgiving and being a doormat, but Mike Pence crossed it a long time ago,” Trevor Noah said.
“On Saturday, he posted photos of himself handing out bottled water with the hashtag ‘Texas strong.’ Sure, dude, we totally believe you,” Seth Meyers joked on Monday.
“Snake on a plane, right there!” Kimmel joked. “Headed, ironically, to the very place he tried to build the wall around.”
“I know people were praying for Texas to go blue, but not like this,” Trevor Noah joked on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.”
“They don’t have snow shovels out there. Their best bet is to grab their AR-15s and shoot each snowflake before it lands: ‘Go back to Canada where you belong!’” Noah joked on Tuesday.
“It’s kind of like ‘The Empire Strikes Back,’” Kimmel said. “We already know how it ends, but we’re watching it anyway.”
“Because only by facing this truth will we have any hope of stopping it from happening again,” Colbert said. “Also, I’m pretty convinced it wasn’t antifa now.”
Donald Trump’s second impeachment trial kicked off on Tuesday with late-night hosts predicting it will end just like the first.
“This was the first Super Bowl ever where I had to yell, ‘Be quiet — I’m trying to hear the poem!’” Kimmel said.
The congresswoman disavowed some of her outlandish statements. But Noah says she’s “so crazy that her saying that 9/11 happened makes me go, ‘Wait, did it?’”
“His lawyers just copied and pasted his defense from the last impeachment: Control-F ‘Ukraine,’ replace with ‘riot,’” Jimmy Fallon said.