The “Late Late Show” host said he shouldn’t have been rude to a server at Balthazar in New York. “I hope I’m allowed in again one day,” he said.
Tag Archives: The Tonight Show (TV Program)
After 7 Years on ‘The Daily Show,’ Trevor Noah Says ‘It’s Time’ to Depart
“It’s not instant. I’m not disappearing. Don’t worry. If I owe you money, I’ll still pay you,” Noah joked.
Marjorie Taylor Greene Calls the Police on Jimmy Kimmel
Kimmel said of Greene’s angry tweets about a joke he made earlier this week: “She’s a snowflake and a sociopath at the same time — a ‘snowciopath.’”
Jimmy Kimmel Trips Out Over Mushrooms Talking to Each Other
“Anyone speak shiitake?” Kimmel joked of new research suggesting that fungi communicate.
Late Night Celebrates Obama’s First White House Visit in Five Years
Stephen Colbert joked that he hoped “they locked the doors to keep him in.”
Jimmy Kimmel Mocks Donald Trump’s Endorsement of Sarah Palin
“Trump endorsing Palin is like paste eating endorsing glue sniffing,” Kimmel joked.
Stephen Colbert Condemns Trump’s Digging for Dirt During a War
“It’s generally frowned upon for U.S. presidents, current or former, to solicit our murderous mortal enemies for dirt on their political rivals,” Colbert said.
Late Night Has Fun With Trump’s Missing Phone Records
“The only time there should be a seven-hour gap is when you’re trying to remember what happened on St. Patrick’s Day,” Jimmy Fallon said.
Late Night Tackles the Will Smith ‘Hitch’ Slap
“It was so shocking,” Jimmy Kimmel said. “The only thing I can really compare it to is when Mike Tyson bit Evander Holyfield’s ears.”
Jimmy Kimmel: Ted Cruz ‘Outslimed Himself’ This Week
Kimmel happily reported that the children’s book Cruz singled out to make a point about race at the Senate hearings for President Biden’s Supreme Court nominee this week became a No. 1 best seller.
Late Night Approves of Ketanji Brown Jackson’s High Ratings
A poll found strong support for the judge’s Supreme Court nomination, but “speechmaking and hissy-fitting” continued in the Senate, said Jimmy Kimmel.
Late Night Sees Through Republican Questions for Ketanji Brown Jackson
“It’s funny listening to the same people who let the president get away with trying to overthrow the government call anyone ‘soft on crime,’ but that’s how it goes,” Jimmy Kimmel said.
Jimmy Kimmel Ribs Republicans Over Ketanji Brown Jackson
Kimmel said Jackson’s Supreme Court confirmation hearings could make the G.O.P.’s worst nightmare could come true: “Having this decided by two Black women whose names they can’t pronounce.”
Late Night Gapes at Biden’s Calling Putin a ‘War Criminal’
A Kremlin spokesman pointed the finger back at the U.S. for World War II bombings, and Trevor Noah joked, “Keep up with the times, yo!”
Late Night Is Wowed by the Senate Actually Doing Something
“Various politicians have been trying to do this for years but they kept getting clock blocked,” Jimmy Kimmel said of the Sunshine Protection Act, which passed Tuesday in the Senate.
Trevor Noah Talks Tom Brady’s Un-Retirement
Noah joked that Brady’s leaving the N.F.L. was like Charlie Sheen’s leaving “Two and a Half Men”: “Yeah, there were still two and a half men but which men? Not men we cared about.”
Late Night Casts Doubt on the Russian-Ukrainian Peace Talks
Trevor Noah warned viewers not to get their hopes up: “Not only did Russia not agree to end the war; it wouldn’t even admit that it started a war.”
Stephen Colbert: Major Food Brands Are ‘Russian’ for the Exits
“Yesterday, Coca-Cola and Pepsi announced that they will suspend business in Russia. Your move, Shasta!” Colbert said.
Jimmy Fallon Rags on America’s Gas Problem
“Gas prices are so high, the Indy 500 was just changed to the Indy 5,” Fallon joked.
Seth Meyers Skewers Trump for a ‘Looney’ Idea on Russia
Meyers said the former president’s suggestion that the U.S. paint Chinese flags on planes and bomb Russia was “a slightly stupider version of Bugs Bunny dressing up as a sexy lady to distract Elmer Fudd.”
Seth Meyers Roasts Ron DeSantis for Berating Teens
Meyers said Florida’s governor was like “an old man who sees a bunch of innocent teens walking by and screams, ‘Hey, you kids get on my lawn!’”
Late Night Recaps Biden’s Annual ‘Status Update’
Trevor Noah joked Biden’s speech was “like a birthday card from a 4-year-old: A lot of words didn’t make sense, but you got what it was trying to say.”
Stephen Colbert Grades Biden’s First State of the Union Address
“Many lawmakers wore the colors of the Ukrainian flag, blue and yellow,” Colbert said. “It’s a show of solidarity not seen since the last ‘Minions’ movie.”
Trevor Noah Reviews Putin’s Attempt at a Soviet Reunion
If bringing back the Soviet Union is Putin’s goal, the “Daily Show” host joked, long lines are a good start.
Late Night Gets Serious About Ukraine
Hosts did their best to bring levity to their shows on an otherwise somber day.
Seth Meyers Considers Trump’s Putin Praise
Meyers joked that Trump “narrates Putin’s every move like he is Tony Romo calling the last drive of a playoff game.”
Stephen Colbert Riffs on Joe Biden’s Sanctions Against Russia
Colbert said Putin sought to keep the peace, and imitated Russia’s president: “I keep this piece of Ukraine. I keep that piece of Ukraine. I keep all the pieces of Ukraine.”
Late Night Rips Rudy Giuliani’s ‘Masked Singer’ Appearance
Jimmy Kimmel joked that only Giuliani would attempt to overthrow the government “and then try to rehabilitate his image by singing ‘Shake Your Groove Thing’ dressed as a pineapple.”
Late Night Comments on the Washington Commanders
The hosts didn’t think much of the N.F.L. team’s long-awaited new name. Jimmy Kimmel pointed out that it’s also the name of the president’s dog.
Late Night Talks Tom Brady’s Retirement
“You know you’ve been around a long time when you debuted the same year as ‘The Thong Song,’” Jimmy Fallon joked on Tuesday.
Trevor Noah: Trump Is America’s Relentless Ex
“And like many exes, he really wants a second chance. But instead of promising to do better next time, he’s threatening to do even worse,” Noah said.
Late Night Reflects on Stephen Breyer’s Retirement Plan
“Yep, at 83, Breyer only has two options: either retire or play quarterback for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers,” Jimmy Fallon said.
Trevor Noah Weighs In on Biden’s Hot Mic Drop
“You see? This is what happens when you have been on Zoom calls for two years — you forget that real life doesn’t have a mute button,” Noah said of the president’s comments about a Fox News reporter.
Trevor Noah Blasts Robert Kennedy Jr. for Invoking Anne Frank
Noah said anti-vaxxers gathering to hear from Kennedy might have found him leaning too liberal for believing in the Holocaust.
Late Night Celebrates One Year of President Biden
“A year ago, Biden pledged to address Covid, the economy, climate change and racial injustice. And good news — after 12 months of tireless effort, we’re all getting three free masks,” Jimmy Fallon said.
Jimmy Kimmel Not Surprised by Trump Fraud Allegations
“The walls appear to be closing in on Trump — big, beautiful walls,” Kimmel said, as new details emerged from an investigation into the ex-president’s family business.
Trevor Noah Doesn’t Trust the At-Home Covid Tests
“We’re just going to test ourselves for antigens? Is that before or after we mess up the directions on an Easy Mac?” Noah said.
Jimmy Kimmel Recaps Trump’s Latest Rally
“Thousands of people showed up, because there’s nothing to do in Florence, Arizona,” Kimmel said.
Stephen Colbert Wants Hard Time for the Oath Keepers 11
“Finally!” Colbert said. “Up until now, the most serious charge any of these guys has gotten is impersonating a Flintstone.”
Jimmy Kimmel Is High Off Covid’s Cannabis Breakthrough
“All this time we’ve been listening to the C.D.C., we should have been eating CBD,” Kimmel said of research showing that cannabis compounds can prevent Covid-19.
Stephen Colbert Debates Catching Omicron on Purpose
“I mean, all the other late-night hosts are doing it,” Colbert said.
Seth Meyers: ‘Ted Cruz Has a Thing for Self-Humiliation’
“That clip was like watching one of those dumb cable news segments where a reporter willingly gets Tasered just to show everyone how bad it is,” Meyers joked of Cruz’s recent appearance on ‘Tucker Carlson.’
Stephen Colbert Praises Biden’s Jan. 6 Speech
“It’s important to reflect on a day like this,” Colbert said. “There’s a reason Texas’ motto is not ‘What’s an Alamo?’”
Late Night Is Thrilled Trump’s Finally Listening to Someone
Advisers told the former president to push his Jan. 6 news conference to a date that would draw less attention to a low point of his presidency. “So, every day of his presidency?” Stephen Colbert joked.
Stephen Colbert Has a Backup Plan for Parents in the Pandemic
With the return of remote learning, Colbert says to bring in the mothers-in-law.
Late Night Is Happy Twitter Booted Marjorie Taylor Greene
Seth Meyers said that living in a world with the Republican congresswoman’s “insane” screaming was “like trying to have a conversation with a friend on the street next to a jackhammer.”
Best of Late Night TV in 2021
A late-night target throughout his time in office, the former president remained a favorite subject, along with Covid’s ongoing impact and President Biden’s first year in the White House.
Seth Meyers Wants Fox News to Stop Saying ‘Big Meat’
As Fox hosts went after President Biden over rising prices, Meyers found their choice of words a little distracting.
Stephen Colbert Holds the Republican Caucus in Contempt
Colbert noted that the House voted to hold Mark Meadows in criminal contempt, “and the rest of us can just keep holding him in regular contempt.”
Late Night Praises Fox News Hosts for Their Acting Skills
The news that Fox News anchors sent texts on Jan. 6 urging President Trump to speak out against the insurrection while blaming antifa on air was the talk of late night on Tuesday.