The former president denied reports that he tried to use his office to keep late-night shows from poking fun at him. “Not only that, he wanted Guillermo to pay for the wall,” Kimmel said on Tuesday.
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Tag Archives: The Tonight Show (TV Program)
Stephen Colbert Skewers Trump’s Covid Response
Colbert joked on Monday night about a forthcoming book on the former president’s pandemic plan: “The main detail: There wasn’t one.”
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Stephen Colbert Celebrates America’s New Holiday, Juneteenth
June 19 is “also known as Macklemore’s birthday, but haven’t Black Americans suffered enough?” Colbert joked on Thursday night.
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Late Night Sums Up the Biden and Putin Summit
“I had a feeling those two weren’t going to make it to the hometown date,” Jimmy Kimmel joked after the leaders cut their meeting short.
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Trevor Noah: Marjorie Taylor Greene Has a Lot to Learn
Late-night hosts were unimpressed with the Georgia congresswoman’s apology for comparing pandemic restrictions to the Holocaust.
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Seth Meyers Sums Up Biden’s Time at G7
“Biden’s message at these meetings has been simple: America is back. You know, like the McRib, America’s back for a limited time only, offer not valid in Florida,” Meyers joked.
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Trevor Noah Thanks Anti-Vaxxers on Behalf of Other Countries
“Seems generous until you remember that Biden can’t get anyone else in America to take them, right?” Noah said of the president’s plan to donate 500 million Covid-19 vaccine doses to 100 countries.
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Stephen Colbert Thinks President Biden Can Win Europe Back
“Come on, Europe, you can’t judge us. You had fascists; we had fascists. You have rulers that marry their cousins; we have Rudy, who married his cousin,” Colbert joked.
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Jimmy Fallon Throws Jabs at Trump’s New Tour With Bill O’Reilly
“Backstage passes automatically come with a hush money payment of $130,000. Isn’t that nice?” Jimmy Fallon joked.
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Late Night Is Tickled by Trump’s Pants
“You know, usually if you got this close to Trump’s crotch, he’d pay you $130,000,” Jimmy Kimmel joked of rumors that the former president had worn his pants backward.
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Stephen Colbert Parodies Brian Kemp’s Version of the National Anthem
“Land of the home and freedom reigns! It’s as American as pie-ball and the mom and bars,” Colbert joked of Kemp’s blunder during a recent Fox News interview.
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Seth Meyers Calls Trump the ‘David Blaine of Crime’
“If he ever goes to trial, he’ll just regurgitate a frog that has ‘not guilty’ written on its back,” Meyers joked on Wednesday night.
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Jimmy Kimmel and Ted Cruz Rekindle an Old Feud
Kimmel wouldn’t let Senator Cruz call the military “woke” and “emasculated,” so the Texas Republican reminded the comedian of his loss in their 2018 basketball game.
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Stephen Colbert: Rand Paul ‘Randsplained’ His Vaccine Refusal
“Senator Paul has been a bit of a skeptic of how bad Covid really is, which is probably why he got Covid,” Colbert said on Monday.
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Jimmy Kimmel Rakes Republicans for Downplaying the Capitol Attack
“You know, when a violent mob attacked our embassy in Benghazi, Republicans in Congress investigated it eight times,” Kimmel said. “A violent mob attacked the U.S. Capitol, they’re like: ‘Tourists! What are you gonna do?’”
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Trevor Noah Wonders if America Is Ready for a Giuliani Dynasty
Rudy Giuliani’s son, Andrew, announced his candidacy for governor of New York on Tuesday. The “Daily Show” host is surprised that he wants the job.
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Trevor Noah Can’t Believe Biden Has a Venmo Account
“Joe Biden has a Venmo account? How? The dude is, like, 150 years old,” Noah joked, saying he assumed Biden “paid for everything with silver dollars.”
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Jimmy Fallon Is Psyched About Going Maskless
“Yeah, if you are fully vaccinated, you can go back to doing the things you did before the pandemic,” Fallon said. “Well, not everything — if you’re Trump, you still can’t tweet.”
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Jimmy Kimmel Finds Irony in the G.O.P. Vote to Cancel Liz Cheney
“I’m confused — I thought these guys hated cancel culture,” Kimmel said after the Republicans ousted Cheney from her leadership position in the House on Wednesday.
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Stephen Colbert Roasts Jeff Bezos for His ‘Support Yacht’
The founder of Amazon has a new superyacht that is so big, it requires a second yacht with a helipad. “I mean, who hasn’t needed a separate yacht just for his helicopter?” Colbert joked on Tuesday.
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Late Night Can’t Help but Laugh at Trump’s Calling Horse a ‘Junkie’
Jimmy Kimmel called the former president “our own Triple Clown winner” in his monologue about a drug scandal involving the Kentucky Derby winner, Medina Spirit.
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Seth Meyers Doesn’t Want to Have to Support Liz Cheney
Meyers made a “M*A*S*H” reference about the Republican who denounces Donald Trump: “I feel like B.J. Hunnicutt speaking up in support of Charles Winchester.”
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Late Night Rallies Behind Facebook’s Extended Trump Ban
“It has been five months since Trump was indefinitely suspended from Facebook for the minor infraction of trying to overthrow the government. I mean, who hasn’t done that?” Trevor Noah said.
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Late Night Has a New Contender for Weirdest Presidential Photo Ever
The Bidens visited the Carters the other day, and Jimmy Fallon, Seth Meyers and Trevor Noah are still trying to get their minds around the result.
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Conan O’Brien Says No More Trump Jokes for Final Two Months on TBS
O’Brien said the last episodes of “Conan” will feature special guests and clips of his favorite moments on the show before he moves to HBO Max.
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Stephen Colbert Can Relate to Ted Cruz
“Now that Joe’s president, I find it much easier to sleep, too,” Colbert joked on Thursday.
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The F.B.I.’s Giuliani Raids Warm Late Night’s Heart
Federal agents “made sure to show up in daylight, when Rudy was still asleep in his coffin,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Wednesday.
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Jimmy Fallon: Vaccinated Americans Are ‘Flashing Their Mouths Like It’s Mardi Gras’
“I’ve got to be honest: I’m going to miss wearing a mask.” Fallon joked on Tuesday. “The adult acne made me feel young, you know?”
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Late Night Wraps Up This Year’s Academy Awards
“The ratings for the Oscars plummeted from 23 million last year to less than 10 million this year. How can something so woke put so many people to sleep?” Jimmy Kimmel joked on Monday.
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Late Night Celebrates Earth Day
“Earth Day started back in the ’70s with very lofty goals and has kind of turned into, ‘Guys, please, just for one day try not to light garbage on or near a panda bear, OK?’” Jimmy Kimmel said.
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Late Night Addresses the Derek Chauvin Verdict
“It’s hard to celebrate, because a man is still dead, but there is a sense of relief that at least this one injustice was not compounded with indifference,” said a somber Stephen Colbert.
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Jimmy Kimmel to Mike Lindell: The Obsession Is Mutual
“Mike Lindell doesn’t seem to understand I’m his biggest fan,” Kimmel said of the MyPillow C.E.O. “I have no idea what he is doing, but I love it.”
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Jimmy Kimmel Heckles ‘Future Former Florida Congressman’ Matt Gaetz
Kimmel poked fun at Gaetz and his friend Joel Greenberg for making their Venmo transactions public: “One of those ‘salads’ cost more than $1,000 — I guess they added avocado.”
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Stephen Colbert Applauds Biden’s ‘Endgame’ for Afghanistan’s ‘Infinity War’
Colbert pointed out that the conflict “has been going on so long, the first ‘Iron Man’ movie opens with Tony Stark in Afghanistan.”
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Jimmy Fallon Pokes Fun at Johnson & Johnson’s Vaccine Pause
“That’s right, they’re recommending a pause. Then anyone who’s ever been dumped was like: ‘Oh, boy. We know what “pause” means,’” Fallon said.
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Matt Gaetz Is ‘Almost Too Florida,’ Says Stephen Colbert
Allegations of “Bahamas sex trafficking with a weed-peddling hand surgeon” make the congressman a nearly too-perfect representative of his state, Colbert said.
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Jimmy Fallon Celebrates Joe Biden’s Early-Bird Special
Late-night hosts welcomed the news that vaccines would be available to all American adults two weeks ahead of schedule.
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Late Night Doesn’t Buy Republicans’ Corporate Boycotts
Stephen Colbert suggested Donald Trump’s followers get comfortable with going generic: “I hope you like Great Value Bat and Ball Product and Kirkland Signature Airlines.”
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Doc Severinsen Recalls High Notes, Low Notes and Everything in Between
The trumpeter and former “Tonight Show” bandleader tells tales from his personal life and his work with Johnny Carson in a new PBS documentary.
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Seth Meyers Recaps Biden’s First Press Conference
The “Late Night” host says the president is at his best “when he’s got the vibe of an old-timer football coach giving his young squad an inspirational halftime speech.”
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Jimmy Fallon Pities the Suez Canal’s ‘Dockblocker’
“If you look closely, the ship has a tiny bumper sticker that says ‘student driver,’” Fallon said of the vessel that’s causing a world-class traffic jam.
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Stephen Colbert Suggests Guns Be Regulated Like Cars and Alcohol
Colbert said guns should require a license, registration, and insurance: “If you move to a new state, you got to do the whole damn thing all over again. And you can’t go out loaded.”
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Stephen Colbert Breaks It Down for Spring Breakers
“Hot tip for Miami authorities: If you want young people to stop partying, don’t instate a curfew, just invite a few dads,” Colbert joked.
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Stephen Colbert Is Skeptical of Putin’s Best Wishes for Biden
“That is ominous,” Colbert said of Vladimir Putin’s wishing the president “good health” on Thursday. “But then again, when Putin says anything, it kind of sounds ominous.”
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Late Night Gets Serious About the Georgia Shootings
“Your murder speaks louder than your words,” Trevor Noah said of the man accused of killing eight people, most of them women of Asian descent.
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Stephen Colbert Mocks Republicans’ Suspicious Minds on Vaccines
“Despite vaccines becoming more available, there’s still one thing holding Americans back: Americans,” Colbert lamented on Tuesday.
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Trevor Noah: Andrew Cuomo Is ‘the Only Person Who Wishes It Was Still 2020’
“At some point we’re going to find out the Statue of Liberty only holds that torch so she can fend him off,” Noah said Monday of sexual misconduct allegations against the New York governor.
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Jimmy Kimmel Reminisces About One Year of ‘Living Contagiously’
“If somebody said ‘N95’ to you one year ago, you’d think they were a bingo caller,” Kimmel joked on America’s “coronaversary.”
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Stephen Colbert Celebrates the Passing of the Stimulus Bill
“There you go, baby. You’re rich! Buy yourself something nice, like rent or medicine,” Colbert said on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”
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Royals’ Interview Response Rings Hollow to Late-Night Hosts
Stephen Colbert was puzzled by the British monarchy’s concern about being seen as out of touch: “Because if there’s one thing the palace surrounded by iron spikes looked like before, it was ‘in touch.’”
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